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Monthly Archives: April 2007

Sandys Soapbox Episode 6

Yet another exciting pod of Sandys Soapbox Im sure you would hate to miss. If you have any questions just listen in as I will give you all details of the latest News, Reviews and Social Issues in the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Community.

This Weeks Pod Click Here

Up in Smoke

So I have decided to give up the smokes, yep no more of the old ciggers or better known as my other friend, no harm done. Apparently I am meant to be getting some sort of reaction to this with all this de-toxing, cleaning and making myself more spiritual with some higher being that will free my life of the most addictive drug known to man.

Its Ok the CD player told me to do it.

I must be very lucky as I have no side effects from wetting my soul from the holy stick in the sky is sleeping and eating. I don’t have anything to look up to early in the evenings, late in the evenings and for breakfast I just have to get back in to the routine of feeding my thighs and resting my unloved love handles. I most admire the taste of food again, the only problem I have nothing to mask all the things I didn’t desire when the hell drug gave it all its glory.

Its Ok the CD player told me to do it.

Darling I am not telling you that I have become a hippy and have decided to tie myself to a tree, hug it like a koala and start singing, ‘o sinner man’, no that will never happen to me unless there is a mini bar involved. But for winter I believe that you have to give up something and as sex was the runner in the last four years perhaps now its time to start picking on other things that really matter. Besides I don’t need the expense of all those brilliant love sticks, they are nothing to me.

Its Ok the CD player told me to do it.

When you look at yourself and decide well I am not giving up the nail polish, hair lacquer nor will I challenge the thought of doing exercise then I have no choice but to get rid of the devil perfumes. I’m sure that the cold sweats, aggravation and hallucinations will gently ease over time and I know that my voodoo doll will forgive me for gently taking some of my frustrations out on it with the chain saw.

The best thing is I am one of the lucky ones so I don’t have to worry there is no issue at the moment. The bastards can’t do this to me!! See now just got to let some of that little frustration out and there isn’t an issue. Prick!

Look its all for the best, but if I was you right now or that stupid man in the CD player telling me that I can enjoy this experience I would run, run for the hills, smoke like a train, free yourself from the city smog and suck up some of that menthol delight. Get a packet of ciggies and smoke the box in a night until your oozing with love.

Or you can just relax and enjoy giving up the occasional smoke and follow the CD player for its all for the best isn’t it. And you can enjoy giving up. Bastard!

I can’t wait till the next installment of giving up the booze.refit sandy 3.jpg

Out of town in Winter

Some time when you wake up in the morning you just don’t want to get out of bed. The comfort of your big fluffy doona and the smell of that morning fart you have just before you rise for the day. I just love winter and the glory of all the darkness that Sandy Bottom Media Talk surrounds you so you would still think that its only four in the morning but actually your still ten minutes late, To overcome the morning fever as I would call it I have developed some sophisticated ideas to help you get more out of your morning darlings. Some of these things with you in mind will help you achieve the total morning experience to overcome what perhaps was one of the latest evenings before hand. 1. Prepare your morning with a buzz and invest in a small fridge to fit in your bedroom close to your bed. In this you will need to store some of the following items.

  • a) Six pack of caffeine style drinks such as V. These will help the seedy stomach and open the mind, so they say. In an emergency you can also store Vodka or other emergency ales in case of a recurring effect of drinking to make them pretty.
  • b) Pills – It doesn’t really matter what they are darling but Vitamins would be start and in all cases something to stop the bottom and headache pains because any girl can never be too careful.
  • c) The Mini snack for when perhaps the night before wasn’t as exciting as you expected. In this case whilst in the middle of your evenings adventure and perhaps your rolled over admiring the ceilings structure you can eat a packed of crisps. Warning these might leave crumbs.
  • d) A dust buster hand vacuum to remove the crumbs.
  • e) Good toner and moisturizer is always a handy object to have the next morning it helps alleviate the wrinkles on both your bottom and also the face. I never make dinner without reapplying my shellac moisture 2000 cream.
  • f) Clear eyes because even though you didn’t enjoy it and there not really your time you can apply these before hand for the tears effect.
  • g) Microwave to warm up the lube if you have come home by yourself.

This doesn’t always work for everyone darlings of course because not all of you are staying out boogie pimps looking for a little fast action on a midweek evening. But perhaps if your really that cold and you want something else besides watching Eddie on television then its time to revisit your local club and get a little of downstairs action again.

Until next time darlings Love Sandy B

Sandy Bottom Interview refit picture

 

I know darlings if you have had a few issues with the downloading of the podcasts of Sandys soapbox. I have been busy working of resolving the issues darling and hopefully this one will be up and running with no problems.

This weeks Soapbox has been proudly brought to you by samesame.com as most of the articles have been pulled directly out of the site and onto your podcaster thingy. Also if you have been missing anything latelly from your player selection check out the Beatfm website with a couple of exciting new shows starting from next week.

some things that you might be aware of this week is Varla Jean Merman who is playing at the opera house. If you havnt seen her or heard of her check out sxnews.com with there latest article she looks great.

Im also glad to annouce that the “Dollar Club” will be held at the Flinders Hotel on May 12th which is also Inquisition but not to worry all will be faboulous. More on this in the next show.

If you have something on or have any questions feel free to drop me a line at sandy@bottompromo.com

Love Sandy

Latest Podcast From Here

Fortune Telling

Its true that even my future can look dim in a smoky claddy night club bashing out tunes that even your dog would run from, but while away i decided to leave my future in the hands of a greater person, Esmarelda the fotune teller. This lady although attractivelly wearing what could be regarded as a velvet cafe curtain, surelly could opt to tell me my wealth, health, and perhaps a touch of tickle (love).

Whilist i wait ever so patiently I brood over my future wondering what great mysteries await my future, will i be rich, will i be sad, will i get any work, god i need a coke, the usual things. Its amazing when you are put in these situations that all your hopes and wishes all come to mind. At this time all i could think of is how can i get a can of coke without missing my place in the que, I was dying for a drink, I could just kill. Either way im sure its in the cards.

So finally i meet this ugly miss, its more like a lounge throw than a cafe hang!, as she starts the timer like a game show and asks me to shuffle the cards my lots of fingers that im famous for drop a card or two…. What does this mean, What difference will this make.. Ooops for a second I stopped thinking about that coke.

Essie as i nicked named her now, places the cards around the table telling me that i will have a little win and that my love even though been rocky will continue, and that my health is stong but be carefull of small minor accidents. What about the work I think, what about the work?

It appears that even though my future is long and prosperous and that will continue perhaps until the audience finally refuse to see me any more there will be plenty to come.
The wonderful thing is that I when i returned home i had a small win on the lotto, but i do mean Very Small so dont put your hand out just yet. The rest well nothing that i would really care of besides that first moment that i picked up that can and took a swig of that marvoulous can of coke.

I have now decided that putting all your money into a curtain reading lady isnt all that bad and to sooth any addiction to this form of future telling i have decided to place $2.00 in every fortune telling machine until i find the future im looking for.

Well you do decide your own destiny dont you?

And next perhaps thinking of investing in a coke machine.

Love Sandy

Sandy Bottom Live

Return To Me

As i finalise my days living my life as some great queen from abroad, eating fresh local delights and savouring my very few left taste buds for some local ale, I realise how long it is until I return to the big smoke. This has left me with some greatfull memories on how the country folk do it different here, if you know what i mean?

1, Going to the city is like shopping in a country town with four major roads and one mall in the middle casted by pieces of glass and some obvious locals from the very local hospital. In return to this observation i also noted not one had a sign at there feet saying, “im homeless and want coins” nor did i get the question “got a ciggie bro?”. This can only mean too things they really did kill all the full blood aboriginals years ago or that perhaps there is still plenty of ciggies left on the ground to choose from. Unfortiantly the talent in the residing alley ways only consisted of good musical entertainment from a young saxaphone player. This is nothing like the city I know!.

Can you believe i even gave the boy a couple of dollars too… Never to be spoken again

2. Lets just get a bite…. If i had a dollar for every time some one just wanted a cuppa or lets get a bite i would be one rich bitch. Its true that my hips and waist have expanded a few meters over the years darlings but this place takes the cake.. pardon the pun.

Every local diner cafe has one thing exclusivelly in common. Chips. Yep its Nachos.. With Chips… Have a lovelly fresh salad roll… with Chips.. Was i really in heaven or have i reach the bustline hell darlings. With the mixture of potatoes and frying goodness everywhere i had no where to reach but into the debths of deep fry chip worlds never been reached before. I even tryed a upmarket resteraunt to be served a bowl of fries or chips on the side. In the end darlings i had no choice but let it all go and soak myself in the chip land of joy and knowling this can only be a short term desire.

3. Road Happiness….. Forget the road rage thats experienced in the big smoke land and settle for something else darlings. Country town rage, its the rage of finding the car spot far away, away, away from any other spot. In this amazing place down under most people are actually fighting to park there car in a exclusive spot away from anyone else. These people are happy to walk fifteen minutes from any entrance to avoid car damage. But the struggle for the lone car is not just a careless matter, they will even argue to have no car parked next to them. This might suprise the hustle of us people who love to do a flying spree at our local shopping centre.

4. Joy transport… Sitting in a luxury bus being presented with a smiling faced bus driver who insisted in a very australian way, “hows it goin”. What is this man on I think perhaps he is one of those rectnol fiends but actually learn to know that he really is a nice person. What on hell is this place raising, no one in this world could have a public job and be happy, Im sure that its against the law darlings. Either way the trip was lovelly, the music was lovelly and i still had some more chips to look forward to.

5. Wine in the afternoon…. I live in a world that offered 24 hour conviencience at any price. We have supermarkets that are open, Kmarts that stay open late, even the local nosh cafe stays open in the tourist areas. But could i get a packet of smokes at 3am in the city here darlings, not a chance. Thank god it didnt forget the libra fler, the only thing i could find on a week nite here darling was a loaf of bread or a sausage roll. True the 24 hour convience here is a bakery offering fatty delights for everyone. I do feel let down that they dont have chips after 3 though. Its true darlings forget the wine, dine and music partying. Here is slicing,dicing, and blending those cakes to the early morning. No wonder the figure is a part of the future here.
Over all the fun is to be had by everyone here on the little island of death and chip, waistline carnage. Till i talk later in the week darlings, stay in the deep fry mood im in

Love Sandy

Return To Me

As i finalise my days living my life as some great queen from abroad, eating fresh local delights and savouring my very few left taste buds for some local ale, I realise how long it is until I return to the big smoke. This has left me with some greatfull memories on how the country folk do it different here, if you know what i mean?

1, Going to the city is like shopping in a country town with four major roads and one mall in the middle casted by pieces of glass and some obvious locals from the very local hospital. In return to this observation i also noted not one had a sign at there feet saying, “im homeless and want coins” nor did i get the question “got a ciggie bro?”. This can only mean too things they really did kill all the full blood aboriginals years ago or that perhaps there is still plenty of ciggies left on the ground to choose from. Unfortiantly the talent in the residing alley ways only consisted of good musical entertainment from a young saxaphone player. This is nothing like the city I know!.

Can you believe i even gave the boy a couple of dollars too… Never to be spoken again

2. Lets just get a bite…. If i had a dollar for every time some one just wanted a cuppa or lets get a bite i would be one rich bitch. Its true that my hips and waist have expanded a few meters over the years darlings but this place takes the cake.. pardon the pun.

Every local diner cafe has one thing exclusivelly in common. Chips. Yep its Nachos.. With Chips… Have a lovelly fresh salad roll… with Chips.. Was i really in heaven or have i reach the bustline hell darlings. With the mixture of potatoes and frying goodness everywhere i had no where to reach but into the debths of deep fry chip worlds never been reached before. I even tryed a upmarket resteraunt to be served a bowl of fries or chips on the side. In the end darlings i had no choice but let it all go and soak myself in the chip land of joy and knowling this can only be a short term desire.

3. Road Happiness….. Forget the road rage thats experienced in the big smoke land and settle for something else darlings. Country town rage, its the rage of finding the car spot far away, away, away from any other spot. In this amazing place down under most people are actually fighting to park there car in a exclusive spot away from anyone else. These people are happy to walk fifteen minutes from any entrance to avoid car damage. But the struggle for the lone car is not just a careless matter, they will even argue to have no car parked next to them. This might suprise the hustle of us people who love to do a flying spree at our local shopping centre.

4. Joy transport… Sitting in a luxury bus being presented with a smiling faced bus driver who insisted in a very australian way, “hows it goin”. What is this man on I think perhaps he is one of those rectnol fiends but actually learn to know that he really is a nice person. What on hell is this place raising, no one in this world could have a public job and be happy, Im sure that its against the law darlings. Either way the trip was lovelly, the music was lovelly and i still had some more chips to look forward to.

5. Wine in the afternoon…. I live in a world that offered 24 hour conviencience at any price. We have supermarkets that are open, Kmarts that stay open late, even the local nosh cafe stays open in the tourist areas. But could i get a packet of smokes at 3am in the city here darlings, not a chance. Thank god it didnt forget the libra fler, the only thing i could find on a week nite here darling was a loaf of bread or a sausage roll. True the 24 hour convience here is a bakery offering fatty delights for everyone. I do feel let down that they dont have chips after 3 though. Its true darlings forget the wine, dine and music partying. Here is slicing,dicing, and blending those cakes to the early morning. No wonder the figure is a part of the future here.
Over all the fun is to be had by everyone here on the little island of death and chip, waistline carnage. Till i talk later in the week darlings, stay in the deep fry mood im in

Love Sandy

Its all so nice isnt it?

Hello darlings,

While being on my small trip way down under I have discovered something i have long forgot before, the art of being NICE. Nice is perhaps only a short part of it, but i mean being nice is not really something that i want myself being recognised for darlings. As I woke this morning i was greeted in a nice way by my lovelly friend and was offered in a nice way coffee and nice toast. Not only did the terrible niceness go along but the awfull neighbours gave a very cheerfull nice hello. Is this Australia darlings, well not really its Tasmania, but my god everyone is being nice and to be honest im not sure if im ready for this style of culture shock my loves.

Please I beg of you dont share the nice talk around, watch sky news and keep the gloom and doom around. I cant stand being nice any longer than it needs.

As you can tell its being utter hell from the time i have got off the plane, tea and lunch and breakfast have all being supplied daily, nice warm days and cool nights, and lots of wonderfull afternoon drinkies darlings. Im not sure if i could cope with this lifestyle but i will just have to make do until i return to the big city. The only thing im worried about at the moment is if i can stand being nice back to everyone.

Just this afternoon in my search for some toothpast to clean the fangs, i nearlly died, the girl at the supermarket checkout was smiling, and then in a nice way said,”have a nice afternoon”. I mean darlings how am i ment to approach this act of slavery that these people are trying to press on my boossoms of earth.

My answer to you lovelly people is dont be nice, dont even smile, and perhaps get someone else to get the last minute shopping, its time that we all stick together like a scene from the young and the restless and get mean. We can bring back the evil smile and say,”I hope you too have a nice day””Bitch”.

Until later darlings, keep it mean and have another vodka on me,

love Sandy B

 

Off and Away

Well its true darlings I am jetsetting off and abroad, over sea’s, over clouds and beyond to the ever lasting place of my youth Tasmania. As i sit live and willing in a ever most humble air port i try to think of what the bloody hell am i going back to Tasmania for in this ever so cool Easter Break evening.

Besides the ding a ling ding sounds of the banjo in the backround and the eppoffessant tingle tune of “Memories” from the theme cats, i have to return for family reasons. Its a chance to undwind and un-wine, in fact i intend to make a record for a holiday and stay totally drunk from one end to the other. I allready have made the attempt to buy a little flagon in which can be filled with lovelly easter goodies like whiskey and the ever so glamour drunk mans favourite bourbon.

This will all start from a luxury beginning as i attempt to shop around the very air-conditioned airport and looking un diluted as possible. Each item that i possess in my warm hands will have the ever so shimmer of my alchol infested breath, other customers will perhaps think that i naturally preserved like a pickled onion.

One one person will be able to save me and thats my self of course. But what the hell the footballers do it dont they, why cant I. Over the next few days i will be suffering the presence of my wonderfull family. Painstaking hours of naturall non freedom that i have become used to. I will break these boundrys and fight there tea drinking friendliness, and replace it with glamourous vodka and cokes.

Either way i will be in contact with you and let you know how im going.

Love in a stupid way

Sandy